Are you helping the men in your life prioritise their mental health?
Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 45. It’s time we help to challenge this devastating narrative.
Too many men hide their struggles, weighed down by societal expectations, outdated gender stereotypes, and a culture of toxic masculinity.
We can lead the way in encouraging emotional openness and breaking down these harmful stereotypes.
Take our quiz to learn how you can help the men in your life prioritise their mental health. Let’s redefine strength and create safe spaces where they feel confident to share their feelings and experiences.
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Results
#1. Your best friend has been distant lately.
You notice he is reticent and withdrawn, but he insists that he’s “fine”.
He is normally the life and soul of parties but has stopped joining social activities, seeming to prefer his own company.
What’s the best way to support him?
“B. Keep inviting him to events and gently check in with him, but don’t pressure him to attend.”
Give your friend space, but let him know how much you value your friendship by including him in your plans.
You don’t want to overwhelm him, but you can let him know you are available for a chat when he is ready.
If he does open up, you don’t have to give advice. Simply listening can often be enough to know he is being taken seriously.
Providing this safe space can also make him more open to exploring other options and healthy coping strategies.
#2. Your older brother is overwhelmed with work and is quick to snap when anyone asks about it. He seems anxious about his performance, expressing insecurities because he hasn’t climbed as far up the career ladder as he expected.
He has mentioned on several occasions that he doesn’t feel “good enough” and is “a failure.”
How can you reassure him and help him manage his stress more effectively?
“B. Offer to help with stressful tasks that might lessen his workload, and encourage him to focus on setting achievable goals.”
Offering tangible help with specific tasks is much more effective than vague words of advice. Empathy and practical support are what he needs, rather than simply brushing him off with “relax” or “You’ve got this.”
Lightening his burden, and taking on some of his household chores or care responsibilities could also give him the time and space he needs to think about his situation with more clarity of mind.
#3. A colleague you have known for some years is going through a difficult divorce and he is not coping well.
He has been taking excessive sick days, has had emotional outbursts and seems distracted most of the time.
What’s the most supportive approach to take?
“B. Let him know you are there to listen if he needs to talk and suggest he might want to work through his issues with a professional.”
Men often feel pressure to “move on” quickly from major life events like this. Not to forget the stress of transitioning from married life to being single again.
Acknowledging your colleagues’ emotional experiences, and actively listening to them paves the way for open communication.
It could be a lifeline if he has unresolved feelings of anger, regret or loss.
Talking therapies could also help him deal with emotions and visualise a time when he might be happy again.
#4. Your father avoids going to the doctor despite complaining about feeling tired and run-down for several months now.
He talks about being too busy, not wanting to waste the doctor’s time, and reassures you it’s probably nothing.
You are worried that his health is deteriorating.
How can you encourage him to seek medical intervention?
“C. Calmly tell him about your concerns and offer to make an appointment or accompany him to the doctor.”
Men, specifically older men, are often reluctant to seek medical help, even when they know they need it.
Expressing your concerns in a calm way and offering to support him is the way to go here. He more than likely has health anxieties, not to mention an inbuilt stereotypical view of how men should behave.
Being confrontational will probably only make him more defensive.
Offering your assistance can make the whole issue supportable, and convince him that taking care of his health is important.
#5. You believe your partner might be struggling with feelings of inadequacy. You’ve noticed that he has been acting more distant recently.
When the subject of past relationships comes up, even casually, his demeanour changes.
He gets angry, or uncomfortable, instead of talking about his emotions.
You sense he is feeling insecure and jealous, and it is really beginning to affect your relationship.
How can you help him get past these feelings?
“B. Gently encourage him to talk about his feelings and offer your support in a non-judgmental way.”
Encouraging him to be open about his feelings, without pressuring him or leading the conversation, creates a safe space where he can be confident enough to share doubts or anxieties.
Avoid pushing too hard, but make it clear that it’s okay to talk when he needs to.
Setting aside time to talk about one another’s feelings, experiences and challenges can gradually break down his defences and enable him to truly express his vulnerabilities.
Try not to jump in with solutions and avoid making knee-jerk judgements.
#6. Your younger cousin has recently become a new father. Although he doesn’t say anything, he feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting.
Most of your male relatives are self-confident characters, so he has grown up with the overwhelming idea that men are “supposed to be strong.”
What can you do to help him feel comfortable sharing his struggles?
“A. Reassure him that parenting is a huge challenge for everyone, men and women alike, and he should not be ashamed of his feelings.”
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Normalising the challenges of parenting and showing empathy can help him feel less isolated and more willing to talk about his struggles.
Should he choose to confide in you, it’s important to avoid toxic language like “Man up”, “Get a grip”, or “Why don’t you grow a spine.”
These harmful sentiments only reinforce negative stereotypes.
They invalidate his feelings, suggest that he is “weak” and could even give the impression that he is somehow to blame for these universal problems.
#7. Your uncle has recently lost his closest friend.
They grew up on the same street, joined the army as young lads, and were best men at each other’s wedding.
The loss has hit your uncle very hard, but instead of expressing his grief, he avoids the subject altogether and busies himself with work.
How can you help him process his emotions?
“A. Gently reassure him that you will listen if and when he is ready to share his loss.”
Grieving in silence can be common for men, so creating a safe, non-pressuring environment for them to express their emotions is important.
Try the ALEC method: ask, listen, encourage action and check-in.
It may be that your uncle won’t respond to your approach, preferring to hear from people his age, or simply being reluctant to admit his perceived weakness to someone he has known from infancy.
So you could direct him to accounts of mental illness and treatment that people with a similar background to his have shared.
#8. Your friend is always working long after everyone else has gone home.
He feels pressure to be the main provider for his family, especially as he has young twin sisters at home and his mother cannot work due to a long-term disability.
He seems tired and irritable but says he can’t slow down because the family depends on him to earn a steady wage.
How can you support him in managing his work-life balance?
“B. Offer to help him balance his workload and suggest looking into support resources for unpaid carers.”
Acknowledging the pressure he feels and helping him find a balance between work and personal life can provide relief without invalidating his sense of responsibility.
It will also lessen his sense of isolation.
He is likely experiencing burnout and he just doesn’t know how to cope.
Reassure him that finding a better work/life balance would enable him to contribute to his siblings’ upbringing in other important ways. Also, set aside time where the two of you can explore financial and respite resources available to unpaid carers.
This is a tangible, practical way to alleviate some of the pressure he is feeling.
#9. Your step-father confides that he’s been experiencing persistent anxiety but is hesitant to seek help because he believes “only weak people” ask for help.
You are worried his anxiety will worsen if he doesn’t act, but how can you encourage him to seek professional help without reinforcing the stigmas around mental health?
“C. Reassure him that it’s commonplace for men to ask for help and direct him to support resources.”
Many men will be reluctant to admit that they are suffering the effects of poor mental health. It could be out of embarrassment or fear of the stigma attached to this topic.
Normalising mental health care is an effective way to encourage asking for help without reinforcing outdated, negative stereotypes.
Gently challenge his belief that it is a weakness, explaining that recognising when support is needed is a sign of strength.
It’s also important to remember that many men don’t know where to begin looking for help. Gather some information before you approach the subject with your step-father, i.e. organisations that can offer support, visiting a GP/therapist, or speaking to an employer.
#10. You suspect your son may be using alcohol as a crutch to cope with his mental health struggles.
He is late for work in the morning or absent altogether, is less careful about his appearance than he used to be, and often smells overpoweringly of stale alcohol.
When family members and friends joke about him having “one too many” last night, he does not see the funny side and blames the stresses of his job.
He has also lost interest in the various sporting activities he used to be so passionate about.
What is the best way to approach him?
“B. Encourage him to make a few health/lifestyle changes and support him by participating too.”
Some men will end up using alcohol, or drugs, as a coping method during distressing periods in their lives. When they are experiencing prolonged illness or bereavement, for example.
Instead of getting the professional help they need, they seek comfort in escaping their problems.
They probably won’t even be aware they are doing it, as some behaviours are ingrained into our culture, e.g. binge drinking at weekends.
You can’t cure mental health issues by changing lifestyle alone, but they can be the start of a bigger conversation.
Encourage your son to think about whether he drinks simply to have a good time or if he is using it as a coping mechanism.
You could make a joint pact to get healthier, cutting down your alcohol intake and getting more exercise together would be a good start.
#11. Your husband’s previously very successful sports bar was hit hard during the Covid pandemic and the recent cost-of-living crisis has only added to his mounting debts.
He has repeatedly refused your offers of help.
Last night he said he couldn’t see any way out of the mess he is in and life might be easier if he wasn’t around.
You are uncertain if he is serious, but you are worried that his mental health is deteriorating.
What should you do?
“C. Share your concerns with him in a non-judgmental way, encourage him to talk more about his feelings and reach out for professional help.”
Suicidal thoughts should never be dismissed, even if you are unsure of your husband’s true intentions.
Not accepting help is a common occurrence for men struggling with mental health issues.
Outdated gender stereotyping tells them that they should not burden the women in their lives, handling problems of this nature on their own. So expressing your concerns in a non-judgmental way and encouraging your husband to access a counsellor or mental health hotline, is important.
Ignoring his comments or confronting him aggressively may only deepen his feelings of isolation and hopelessness.
However, if you believe he’s in immediate danger, get help straight away, from emergency services or a specific crisis support organisation.
#12. Your oldest male friend is struggling with body image issues.
He talks about feeling unattractive and in poor physical shape compared to men around him.
He says social media and TV only ever seem to show perfect bodies which is denting his confidence even further.
How can you support him?
“B. Listen to his concerns, encourage him to focus on his strengths and seek professional support if necessary.”
Men experience body image issues just as acutely as women, but society tends to underplay them, leading to feelings of isolation.
Limiting his exposure to social media will help to a certain extent, but it won’t address the much deeper issues of low self-esteem and poor mental health.
Validating your friend’s concerns by listening and recognising their detrimental impact encourages him to be kinder to himself. It lets him see that there is nothing wrong with what he is feeling or experiencing.
It’s also important to emphasise that every one of us has unique strengths and positive qualities. Focussing on them rather than his perceived faults will lead to self-acceptance.
Finally, talking therapy might be beneficial if his feelings persist.
